.Controlling Families:                                               Healthy Families:

1.  Conditional Love

  • Parents love is given as reward but withdrawn as punishment
  • Parents feel their children “owe” them
  • Children have to “earn” parental love


1.  Nurturing Love

  • Parental love is relatively constant
  • Children get affection, attention, and nurturing touch
  • Children are told they are wanted and loved

2.  Disrespect

  • Children are treated as parental property
  • Parents use children to satisfy parental needs


2.  Respect

  • Children are seen and valued for who they are
  • Children’s choices are accepted


3.  Stifled Speech

  • Communication is hampered by rules like “Don’t ask why” and “Don’t say no.”
  • Questioning and dissent are discouraged
  • Problems are ignored and denied


3.  Open Communication

  • Expressing honest thought is valued more than saying something a certain way
  • Questioning and dissent are allowed
  • Problems are acknowledged and addressed


4.  Emotional Intolerance

  • Strong emotions are discouraged or blocked
  • Feelings are considered dangerous


4.  Emotional Freedom

  • It’s okay to feel sadness, fear, anger or joy
  • Feelings are accepted as natural and give us information


5.  Ridicule

  • Children feel on trial
  • Children are criticized more than praised


5.  Encouragement

  • Children’s potentials are encouraged
  • Children are praised when they succeed and given compassion when they fail


6.  Dogmatic or Chaotic Parenting

  • Discipline is often harsh and inflexible
  • Parents see their role as bosses who make their children obey
  • Parents give children little privacy


6.  Consistent Parenting

  • Parents set appropriate and consistent limits
  • Parents see their roles as guides and leaders who follow through with rewards and consequences for behaviors
  • Parents allow children some reasonable control over their own bodies and activities


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