1.  Conditional Love

• Parents love is given as reward but withdrawn as punishment
• Parents feel their children “owe” them
• Children have to “earn” parental love

1.  Nurturing Love

• Parental love is relatively constant
• Children get affection, attention, and nurturing touch
• Children are told they are wanted and loved

2.  Disrespect

• Children are treated as parental property
• Parents use children to satisfy parental needs

2.  Respect

• Children are seen and valued for who they are
• Children’s choices are accepted

3.  Stifled Speech

• Communication is hampered by rules like “Don’t ask why” and “Don’t say no.”
• Questioning and dissent are discouraged
• Problems are ignored and denied

3.  Open Communication

• Expressing honest thought is valued more than saying something a certain way
• Questioning and dissent are allowed
• Problems are acknowledged and addressed

4.  Emotional Intolerance

• Strong emotions are discouraged or blocked
• Feelings are considered dangerous

4.  Emotional Freedom

• It’s okay to feel sadness, fear, anger or joy
• Feelings are accepted as natural and give us information

5.  Ridicule

• Children feel on trial
• Children are criticized more than praised

5.  Encouragement

• Children’s potentials are encouraged
• Children are praised when they succeed and given compassion when they fail

6.  Dogmatic or Chaotic Parenting

• Discipline is often harsh and inflexible
• Parents see their role as bosses who make their children obey
• Parents give children little privacy

6.  Consistent Parenting

• Parents set appropriate and consistent limits
• Parents see their roles as guides and leaders who follow through with rewards and consequences for behaviors
• Parents allow children some reasonable control over their own bodies and activities