r  1. Assure your children of your love and that the other parent loves them as well.

r  2. Explain to your children that the divorce is not their fault.  This may need to be stated over time.

r  3. Do answer your children's questions about your divorce as truthfully as possible, without criticizing or blaming the other parent.

r  4. Encourage your children to express their feelings.  This may difficult for you to experience, but it is helpful to them.

r  5. It is important for children to rely upon regularly scheduled visitation.  This builds some sense of security and predictability.

r  6. Make your living arrangement comfortable for them.

r  7. Create a special place for them to have their things if you are the “visiting” parent.  Having toys, clothing, a place to call their own while visiting is especially helpful.

r  8. Don't threaten to withhold child support or maintenance from the other parent if they refuse to give visitation time.  The visitation is for the child, not to be used as a bargaining chip.

r  9. Do not make appointments for your child when you know they are scheduled to be with the other parent.

r  10. Do not ever miss a scheduled visit with your children.

r  11. Support and be positive about your children's relationship with the other parent.

r  12. Include the other parent in important decisions and events in your children's life.  Your child will feel your cooperation with the other parent.  This is a gift you can give them in a difficult situation.

r  13. Help your child “forget” about the divorce for awhile.  Balance “processing” the divorce with being able to not affect them. 

r  14. Don’t ever speak poorly about the other parents to your children or to anyone else in their presence. 

r  15. Don't make your child the go-between messenger to carry a message to the other parent.  This creates stress for them. 

r  16. Do not argue or fight in front of the children. 

r  17. Don't ask your children to keep secrets from the other parent.

r  18. Don't be generous or less of a disciplinarian in order to win your children’s approval.

r  19. Don't ask your children for information about the other parent. 

r  20. Do not put the children in a position to choose sides.



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