Erik Bohlin, M.A.

New Hope Counseling

430 91st AVE NE, STE 8

Lake Stevens, WA 98258


Love Addiction and Healthy Love


The intensity of love addiction is often in direct proportion to the intensity of one's sense of unmet needs during childhood.





Feels all-consuming

Allows for individuality


Cannot define ego boundaries

Experience and enjoys oneness and separateness with partner


Elements of sadomasochism

Brings out best qualities in both partners


Fears letting go

Accepts endings and allows for grief


Fears risk, change, and the unknown

Experiences openness to change and exploration


Allows little individual growth

Invites growth in the partner


Lacks true intimacy

Experiences true intimacy


Plays psychological games

Feels the freedom to ask honestly for what is wanted


Gives to get something back

Experiences giving and receiving in the same way


Attempts to change the partner

Does not attempt to change or control


Needs the other to feel complete

Encourages self-sufficiency of partner


Demands and expects unconditional love

Does not insist on unconditional love


Appears anti-dependent, refuse commitment, "I can do it myself"

Can make commitment and be inter-dependent




Fears abandonment upon routine separation

Trust memory of beloved; enjoys solitude



Recreates old negative feelings

Expresses feelings spontaneously


Desires, yet fears closeness

Welcomes closeness, risks vulnerability


Tries to take care of partner's feelings

Allows partner to feel their own feelings, cares about, not for








Establishes "instant intimacy"

Takes time for trust and intimacy


Lays aside own needs for sake of relationship

Meets their own needs in relationship


Compromises morality, needs, ethics, and values for the relationship

Maintains their own morality and follows conscience


Fits person into romantic fantasies and/or erotic situations having special songs, props, and symbols for the relationship even when such trappings really have little meaning


Romance adds to the relationship, rather than holds it together




Quickly recognizes a "cosmic mate" or "special connection" and yet has difficulty being friends


Allows for friendship and bonding take take place over time


Confuses "high" or intensity with love and assumes that anything this strong must be love


Does not look for high,  love is

experienced as strong over time


Has the skills (imagined) to rescue the person from the life they have created for themselves


Has no need to rescue



Ignores aspects of person you don't like or unshared values, sees other through eyes of illusion

Can look honestly at relationship and both partners


"Hangs in there" much past the point of sanity

Recognizes when to take a break until the partner gets help


Enters into the other's world completely

Can experience partners world and their own world


Knows how to use the skills of communication to hide from true intimacy

Intimacy is primary, while communication skills are secondary



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